LA Love: Interception!

So, it's pretty obvious, at this point, that my countdown didn't go quite as planned...

I'm sorry Los Angeles! I guess I just don't love you that much! (Oh, snap- yes I DID!)

All poking-fun-at-something-that-can't-defend-itself aside... it's really quite the opposite. The last few days (okay, ELEVEN days... shhhhh) have been full of ups and downs, but luckily, more up than down. However, the down sparked the entire gap in my writing. A seemingly innocent incident occurred, throwing me for a loop. I'm glad it did, though... I think I needed a reality check to really focus on what's going on here...

So, what's going on?

This time, I know.
I know everything's about to change for me.
I know I'm terrified.
I know I've almost not thought about it, going through the motions, in the hopes of not getting freaked. OUT.
... I know that's damaged my perspective.

However, I also finally know what I want. For the most part... the details are still a bit fuzzy, but that's okay. It's alright to not know everything. It's alright to not have all the answers. In fact, it makes it that much more exciting!! For once in my life, I'm going after exactly what I want. The life I always thought I could have. I may not get everything I've always wanted... I don't even want most of the things I used to... want... but now I know what matters to me. I know what's important to me. And I aim to strive for everything I want now.

I've said it before; I may, in fact, fail. I don't repeat it in fear, though. I say it without fear, knowing that whatever outcome I face, I will have travelled this road confident in my choices. I find it incredibly important to do what I love, and love what I do. And I have, for many years. I knew when it was time to move on... My heart always knows. I just don't usually act on it. I wait... stuck in the same routine... afraid to venture out... fearful of change... until I finally can't take anymore. This time, I'm following my heart, whole.... heartedly.

Oh, yes. Still cheesy. =)

... You know what? I take it back. I won't fail. And you know why?
... (this is where you say "Well, why, Shaneil?")...
Well, class, because it's not about the end result. It's about the journey. It's about the experiences. The people I meet, the love I feel, the passions I chase, the care I give, the world I change... for the "world" can be an entire planet, or the small patches of it that you care for with compassion and love. We're like a giant group of quilters... each working together to create a pattern of humanity of which we can be proud. Each contributing the best we can in every moment we face. That's all we're ever doing... the best we could in that moment. It's not always right. It's not always kind. But it's in our control, and it's contagious. How often do you absorb someone else's mood? I bet it's more than you think.

I've always thought I could be better... Now, I'm doing something about it. In many small ways, we can all contribute to our own little patches in considerable ways. A laugh, a smile, a kind word, a loving gesture... it's all contagious. It spreads the threads of love, weaving its way through our giant quilt of life. A continuous cycle that we can build into something to really remember. I want to be proud of my contribution, so I'm stepping forward and doing something about it. I can't wait to embark on this new journey... I have to admit, though, putting this out there makes it a bit more terrifying... so I'm gonna wrap this puppy up! I could go on forever about my feelings about this move... but the most important thing is, I'm happy. I'm ready. And with this needle and thread, I will sew my love, my strength, and my hope into this world. I will always do my best, and always strive for more. For my heart and soul, and those around me. <3