I awoke today, awakened.
I awoke today, revived.
I awoke today... alive!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life. A brand new life, at that. Something is... different. All of the sadness, fear, worry, angst... it's dimmed its blinding light, allowing me to see more clearly than I have in a very long time. I woke up early, made coffee, and got to work. The first step on this plan I speak of is to clean this apartment and minimize the junk. Unfortunately, I have a lot of what you may call "junk"... I tend to attach sentimental value to the most mundane items... therefore acquiring a lot of... well- crap.
...But I digress...
The point is, I feel better than I have in months. Maybe even longer! I feel strength inside of me I never knew possible. Courage. Ahhh... courage. We don't really get along, now do we? I am quite the wuss, and not necessarily proud of it, but accepting of it. It's just who I am, darn it! Sometimes, however, courage is necessary to move forward in life. Hell, that's almost always the case! And finally, it's happened to me... right in front- of my face, and I just- cannot hiiiide it!!!
So that happened.
It's pretty obvious, even as I sit here writing, that I even "sound" happier. I feel as if a boulder has been lifted from my aching shoulders. It feels.... wuuuunderbar! Absolutely, blissfully amazing. I broke free! Free from the pull of a dragging soul. I feel like me again. This is truly a day in my own personal history I won't soon forget.
This week will affect my future more than any other week so far this year. I'm seeing a lot of very special people in my life, all influences on who I am in very big ways. Tomorrow, I visit my "LA Father" (previously mentioned in my last blog, 'A New Beginning'), and have dinner with my wonderful ex-boyfriend turned true friend, Jordan. This weekend, I see my family. My amazing, loving, genuine family. And I spend the entire weekend with my Grammy. Probably the most supportive person I've ever known... and through years of building a mutual respect for each other, my best friend. This week will be epic, to say the least.
Life is a tricky little fella'. It pulls you in so many directions, physically... mentally... emotionally... All I've ever wanted was happiness. Not money. Not fame. Just happiness. The older I get, the more I realize what truly makes me happy. Recently discovering it is not the life I'm living was terrifying. You mean, I have to change everything...?! "Yup", life snickers. Jerk.
So here I am... on a new journey, but this time, not so terrified. I won't just talk about it anymore! Hooray! Progress is addicting, I tell ya'... and though I need another vice like I need a hole in the head, I think I'll let this one stick.
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