Don't Worry, Be Happy

I'm in a fantastic mood tonight! What a nice change of pace... my body aches, my mind still races, my heart steps lightly... but I'm happy. I'm cheerful =) Hoorah!

I'm really trying to change my attitude and perspective for the better. I realize I've been a big pity boo hoo party lately, but it's all a process towards a better, happier me. A couple of wonderful people in my life have reminded me that it's okay to break down; it's okay to be upset; it's okay not to always be the positive, outgoing one. I'm still human, and an emotional one at that! Oh, yes... we know this well, don't we?

Anywho, I know one big reason as to why I feel so great tonight. I'm going home, if only for a couple of days. And it's not going home that makes me feel so great, because honestly, I don't miss it. However, I miss the people; the love; the understanding. LA is just not the place for me, and though I'm working on a new plan, it's nice to at least get away for a bit. And to see my Mom and siblings and Grammy and cousins and... eek!!! So excited! I just love these people with all of my beating heart, and I cannot WAIT to see them! Happy Shaneil- yay!

A very nice customer, who has recently begun reading my blog, had a lovely talk with me about my blog and what he had discovered. He worded things in a way I have yet to hear, and it got me thinking... I spend so much time doing nothing but sitting around, trying to find happiness from within. Okay, not so bad when read aloud, but the point he made was not to forget to allow external stimulation in... he mentioned reading, but also being out and about; seeing art; being social; simply, living. I haven't done much of that these days. So though going home for the holidays may seem mundane to most, to me, it's everything. Getting away from the daily grind, while being surrounded by people who genuinely care for me... I really couldn't imagine anything better right now.

I've felt myself getting lower and lower, sinking deeper and deeper... into an abyss of self-mutilation by analytical approach. Make sense? Basically, I'm over-analyzing the shit outta' myself! It's time to relax. To breathe. To just... be. Live. We will all encounter struggles in our lives, be them small or great. What makes us strong as individuals is pushing the lid off that well of emotions, embracing the lessons we learn along the way. In other words, I can't just sit around and dwell on these feelings. Yes, I must act on them in the pursuit of good ol' happiness, but I can't leave my life in the dust of my thoughts. (Lots of weird metaphors popping up suddenly... I'm tired!) The point is, I won't let the weight of life crush me. I'm stronger than that. I've been through much worse. So, I won't worry. About a thing. 'Caaause-

Every.
Little.
Thing.

Is gonna be alright... <3