Fussy Hussy

As of late, I've been making a big fuss over the silliest little things... which is not really like me. I used to have this problem, but I've learned over the years to let the little things go and focus on what's really important. However, having gone through some emotional turmoil lately, my mind and heart have decided to revert back to old ways. So, for the sake of my emotional stability, I'm going to release these unnecessary feelings via good ol' bloggin'!

One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that someone does not feel the same about you as you feel about them. This could be with a lover, a friend, a family member- anyone really! I've dealt with this feeling quite often during the span of my lifetime, but every time it hits, it's just as difficult to accept. I love whole-heartedly, which can be a blessing or a burden. I like to think of it as a constant blessing... why would I want to be anything else than who I am? I don't. I really don't. I like me. I love me. Whole-heartedly.

Nevertheless, I felt this feeling last night, and it stuck with me through my dreams, manifesting into a nightmare. Now, I've awoken with the same pit-in-your-stomach ache, and need to find release from this burdening beast. You see, I don't have many people I call 'close friends'... I have a whole harem of acquaintances, a handful of people I consider close friends, and 1 person I can talk to every day, about everything. Many of these 'category close friends' are people who do not live in sunny Los Angeles. And though they are far away, I think about them daily. I miss them daily. I love them daily. Last night, through a series of 'shouldn't-mean-a-thing' events, I felt less than that to a couple of said friends. And it hurt. Deep down inside, it tore at my heart. I know this is silly, I know they care, but be that as it may, I still felt an overwhelming feeling of sorrow.

Yet, even as I'm writing this, I'm already feeling a bit better. This is so silly! Have I said silly yet? I keep repeating it, because it is! And I need to remember that... I need to let go. The one thing in life we have absolutely NO CONTROL over is other people's feelings and emotions. They don't even have control over that. Emotions are emotions. They are what they are. And on the same wavelength, I cannot control my own. All I can do is change my perspective and move forward. Plus, who am I to say how someone feels? You never know what's really in someone's heart... it's not always said out loud. It's not always shown. People generally take what they receive, interpret it in their own way, and generate results from their own perspective. If you really need to know how someone feels, ask them. Communicate. We could all use a little honesty in our lives. Hell, we could all use a LOT of honesty! Hoooonesty, is hardly ever heeeard! Golly, I love Billy Joel.

Unrequited feelings, in every sense of the word... s, are probably the greatest cause of heartache. I've experienced these feelings from my father, from guys, from friends... and every time it happens, there is no lesson to be learned. No great philosophy to be discovered. Only time and healing can set you free, with a bigger, stronger heart. What I can take from all of these experiences is the knowledge to focus on those that matter. And the courage to keep loving whole-heartedly. It's who I am. Whether I'm someone you used to be close with, an acquaintance from childhood, a best friend forever, an ex-lover, a girl you sometimes text, a daughter you can't forget, a co-worker, an occasional shoulder, whatever it may be... I love you. And always will. If I can give anything to the world, it's my unconditional love. Most importantly, I give it to myself. Everything and everyone deserves love, so do your part and spread the heart! <3