Letting Go

I've never struggled so much to write a goodbye letter in my entire life... Actually, I don't think I've ever really written one. It was time, though, as the sun has set on a 15-year friendship that was doomed to end... long ago...

You can only take so much from someone. You can only open your heart so many times, only to have it shattered before you. You can only put effort into something for so long, before your own peace and happiness becomes victimized. I've worked extremely hard to acquire a better sense of what's around me, and what I deserve. Because of this, I took notice of someone who is no longer good for me, and hasn't been in quite some time. And I ended the fight. The constant struggle. The battle for respect and understanding. It's over.

I'm sad... I am... I love this person very much, and only want the best for them. However, I also feel a huge weight lifted, and breathe a sigh of relief. I almost feel bad for feeling that way... but it's the truth. I also know that there may be repercussions for this action I've taken. I may, in fact, lose other friends, too. But you know what? I'm tired. Tired of not being appreciated for the person I am today. Tired of being accused of things I have never done, and wouldn't even think to do. Tired of negative energy creating shadows in the light I now have in my life. So if I lose other people in my life because of this decision, so be it. To me, that only means more room for better people.

I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be. I don't live as if I am. I only want to be loved and appreciated for the person I am. I've done a lot of soul-searching over the last few years, and I'm really proud of the results. I'm still soul-searching. Still trying to be better. However, the steps I've taken and the perspective I've gained have led me to a path of happiness. Happiness with myself, my life, and those I've surrounded myself with. I don't have a lot externally, but internally I glow and my heart beats loud. I want only the best for everyone I encounter. I love with every breath. I smile with every step. I strive to inspire. I live to love. I do my best with what I've got, taking note of where I could improve, and always staying humble.

Most importantly, I do not want to live with regrets. I took this step with this friendship very seriously. I didn't do it in the moment. I didn't do it out of anger. I did it because it was time to move forward. I did it because not ending it would have resulted in regret. And if you know whom I speak of, which some of you may, do me a favor. Take care of her. Love her. My time with her may be through, but my love for her will never die. I will continue to pray for her, and send her positive energy in any way that I can. Respect my decision, and that it was not done to hurt or harm. It was done to prevent it.